In the Waiting

The disciples had just three years with Jesus and they were in a constant state of change, following him from town to town, making ministry their new vocation despite the fact they were unlearned. Three years of putting themselves out there, of being rejected, being called troublemakers, and on Good Friday they could have abandoned it all. They could have gone back to their previous lives as fishermen and tax collectors. Peter did deny Jesus three times, but still stayed close enough to see the resurrection. It seems that they weren’t ready for the next thing, whatever that was.

After Jesus’ crucifixion, the disciples didn’t scatter. They didn’t go back home to their families. They didn’t do any public displays or protests that their leader had been unjustly killed. They waited in sorrow- not in expectation that Jesus would rise, because they did not understand the scriptures yet. They also may have felt guilty. That Jesus talked about his betrayal and the cup he would drink at the last supper- and stupidly, they didn’t understand what he meant. Guilty that they fell asleep when they should have been praying with and for him. Guilty for denying him. Guilty that they were not able to protect or save him.

They may have felt guilty, but also they waited in a bitter acceptance that their adventure with Jesus was not over. After all, Jesus knew who they were and that Peter would deny him, yet shared that final meal with them. The disciples waited in hope that what Jesus said was true- he was preparing a place for them. That he would send help. That they would see the kingdom. The past three years changed their lives, and they didn’t know what to do.

We can learn here what it looks like to reflect on our walk with Jesus. We can fixate on the guilt of our sin and ruminate over what we could have done better, how we could have witnessed or shared the gospel. But Jesus is full of grace and God accepts us with all of our flaws, fully knowing that we are imperfect humans prone to deny him like Peter or be in stubborn disbelief like Thomas. So instead of guilt for the sacrifice Jesus made it confusion of what to do with our lives once we are saved, be ready in the waiting. You may not know what God will do next, but don’t go far. Join other believers in hopeful expectation. God is going to do miracles in our lives, despite what you currently face.

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb. She came back to the disciples with another life changing message: that He was risen, it was not over.